The Journey Inward

I’m starting something new this month. I enjoyed poetry month so much and the impetus it gave me to write daily. I have missed that routine and excitement surrounding creativity and discovered a new alternative about an hour ago. I have a book called CLARITY & CONNECTION by Yung Pueblo. It could be read cover to cover, for sure, but I had the thought while I was waiting for a call to start that I would just open to any page and read the brief message there. Choosing to believe it was the Universe speaking to me, I would write about it.

The Universe never fails me. Or maybe it’s my Intuition. I’m not sure, but I read page 89 and felt like the pages quickly rearranged themselves so that the one I needed would be right there when I finished my blind flipping and chose one.

Here’s what jumped out at me. “we can manage our reactions…by bringing awareness into the process.” In the past few years, I have really worked on separating out current triggers and past triggers. When something happens now and I have a strong reaction, I stop and ask myself, “Am I reacting to what is happening with this person in this moment, or am I reacting as if I were a child again and I am interacting with a parent, family member or authority figure?” Just that simple act of slowing down and understanding whether the present situation is really the issue has been so helpful. Very often it is my past experiences and core beliefs that surge forward and react, not the person before me who has unknowingly blundered into this minefield. Helpful. Now or then?

“our awareness lights up the darkness and helps us to see more options and information.” When I am triggered, emotional, or not in my wise mind, I feel helpless, small, trapped. I can’t see a way out. I feel hopeless. When I can bring awareness to the situation, I can empower myself to act on my behalf using the information presented. I can ride the current of Feelings and get swept out to sea, struggling to keep my head above water and to find direction. Awareness shines a light inward and helps me understand what the False Self wants to confirm-the biased way of thinking that keeps me stuck. With my wise mind, I can make choices for myself.

“stand next to the river that is the human mind and watch as things flow by.” I have always had a very busy mind. I used to call it “overthinking.” Now I don’t use negative language to describe my thinking. Instead, I look to calm and quiet my mind so that I can stop fighting the current. I can stop trying to control the flow. Instead, I can sit back in my little boat and float downstream. I can take Life on Life’s terms and go with it. There are times I need to stand up and advocate. There are times I need to get upset or angry. But most of the time, I can accept what is and let it be. I can settle into peace and ease by observing without judgment.

“without self awareness, it is difficult to make choices that differ from those you have made in the past.” Um, yes. That is true in my experience. Patterns are strong. They carry us and inform our behavior without us even having to think about it. A dysregulated mind dysregulates the body and vice versa, sometimes without us even realizing it. When we are on autopilot, we rely heavily on past behavior. If we have come from dysfunction, we might even feel more comfortable with our old familiar choices. For me, I think of my behaviors, thoughts and actions as the programming that my operating system received when I was small. It is outdated now, no longer serving its original purpose. I have outgrown much of the wiring and circuitry. I can now challenge my feelings, alter the thoughts that spring from them by asking, How true is that? and then replace the thoughts and feelings with new ones, and thus change my behavior.