The Journey Inward

For the month of June, I am flipping through Clarity and Connection, by Yung Pueblo daily and randomly stopping at a page and reading. I am using the entry to delve into my thoughts and feelings, find what resonates, and see what answers it might hold for me. It is an exercise in building my Intuition, making space for creativity, and journeying inward so that I might know myself and others better. Today’s reading was on page 194.

"your relationships improve drastically and the tension in your mind decreases significantly when you can simply accept people for who they are instead of fixating on how they should change in order to be more like you"

Practical application:  your parents, your children, your coworkers, your boss, your partner, the town's public works, the boutique owner on Main Street, your dog walker, ...

Today a coworker told me she enjoys receiving gifts of service, whereas her partner likes presents.  She wishes he wouldn't give her presents and that she could do nice things for him instead of buying things off the list he gives her.  She said this was a bone of contention in their early years.  Now they just ask for what they want at birthday time.  Not her favorite, but a lot less stress, angst and frustration.  They are who they are.

Do I want people to be like me?  Sometimes, but not often. I love people's different personalities and perspectives. I love seeing how others live their lives. I think it's more that I wish they could honor how I think and behave in the world.  For example, I have a friend who never plans anything.  It gives me low level anxiety not to plan in advance for some of the bigger things we've wanted to do together, namely travel and accommodations.  She has the means to do things last minute and pay premiums, but that's not my world.  I spend time researching and getting the best deals.  I don't need her to be like me, but I need her to understand that I need some advanced notice.  I'd love for her to say it's overwhelming to plan and ask me to lift that load.  I'd like her to say, "Go ahead and plan your trip and if I can get away, I'll join you.  If you don't have room at your place, I'll get my own." 

I guess I'm looking for consideration.  Planning time with me instead of assuming or hitting me up last minute (though I love spontaneous get togethers, too!).  Communicating what you need instead of hitting me with it last minute that leads to me running around to prepare.  Being sensitive to my feelings.  Being thoughtful about my circumstances.  Being helpful when I'm tapped out.  

I don't need people to be like me.  I do need to adjust my expectations.  And have boundaries.  When I take care of me, listening to my own needs and wants, and then accept others as they are, my boundaries ensure that I am not taken advantage of or inconvenienced nearly as often.  When I accept others as they are, I take their actions less personally and try to enjoy them for who they are and what they offer the world.

photo:  Flemington, NJ. 11.13.18 by GHC