The Journey Inward

Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

My sweet, I would have you know that you were not meant to live a life that is unimpeachable. When you were a child, you believed that mistakes were practically life and death, that you were being watched at all times – and judged! – and so you always needed to be on your best behavior. You believed that to be a member of your family, you had to follow all the rules, be the best at everything, yet be humble and not stand out.

It is not surprising that as you became an adult, you sought to live by the same rigidity that was not necessarily of society’s making, but of your parents – your dad, who held a prominent position in town and your mom, who tried to control the four of you so as not to blemish the family name. This came naturally to her as the daughter of an army colonel who moved from base to base her entire life. It is not surprising that these two people felt that they themselves were under scrutiny and by extension, their children. Their goal was to protect you and to protect your father‘s job.

There may have been a societal construct around the choices they made, but even more so, it was the way they chose to see the world. You bought into that and spent decades doing the same. You passed on far less of that thinking to your children than was passed on to you, but it still made you uneasy and anxious.

My sweet one, I see the rebellion that you began a year ago, and I applaud you. In fact, I give you a standing ovation! You are truly making choices in your best interest now. You are not thinking about how things look to others, but instead how they feel to you. I see that you are not reckless or inconsiderate or dangerous in any way, but rather that your rebellion is simple, but profound. It doesn’t hurt others, but for the first time it doesn’t hurt you by holding you back. I see you growing and expanding and being everything that you can be, your feet no longer firmly tethered to the ground.

I love your lightness, I love your radiance, I love your spirit! My sweet, you were never meant to live an unimpeachable life. Your mistakes don’t define you, and never did. The burden of shame was not yours to carry. You were human and in many cases you were doing what you felt you needed to do to protect yourself. You were an innocent, and your choices were pure. Stop playing it safe to be unimpeachable! (I will now start calling you Peach to remind you!!)

Photo: Coplay, PA. 9.22.21 by LA