The Journey Inward

I’ve upped my Christmas decorating game this year by adding smart plugs to my trees and evergreen swags so that I can light them with Alexa commands. The ease of using my words rather than crawling under and behind things has been so efficient! But these plugs also got me thinking about all the ways I connect and disconnect throughout the year, but especially now.

I feel the pull of two distinct forces this holiday season: the urge to plug in and connect versus the desire to pull back and shelter in place. My family has a large text chain with aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews and it has been pinging up a storm since Christmas Eve Eve. I read their texts with delight and share back photos and memories as they’re being made, in real time. It feels as though we are together, despite being in separate states and even countries, and that makes me feel warm, loved, connected. When I read the texts aloud to my daughters or show them pictures, I am trying to make sure they know they are woven tightly into a web of familial love and support.

Just as strong within me is the need to pull back, stay in the moment, enjoy my daughters and their significant others as they flit about the house and to do crafts, play games and watch bad Christmas movies (with the exception of Spirited, which was amazing!). Being unplugged lets me slow down, focus in, and enjoy my own pleasures without the comparison of others’ activities. 

I’ve determined to do what I do with most things, and that is to create balance. I find myself muting my phone or turning on the Do Not Disturb function so others know I’m not available when we are in the midst of fun, or when I need some rest. At other times, I carve out time to look through the photos and texts and enjoy what my family is up to, treasuring the pictures of my great niece and nephew. 

There is such value in connection, live and vicariously. There is such value in presence, with my family and in solitude. These holidays are allowing me to practice discernment and awareness, knowing what I need when.