The Journey Inward

Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

My Sweet Peach, what I want you to know is that you do not need to fear anger. It is not a “negative” emotion, nor is it harmful or dangerous or violent. Anger is a sign that your needs are going unmet, by yourself or others.

Anger was not expressed in your household, and therefore, you got the message that it was wrong to feel. Your dad would curse and yell when something went wrong, and everyone else would just go through the motions, like nothing was happening. But you saw it and you wondered and you were confused. His outbursts and profanity did not match the expectation of everyone else in the home. So for you, anger became a source of fear and eventually shame.

In the rare times you have expressed anger, you immediately spun into a shame cycle, beating yourself up for careless words and a loss of control. Sometimes it was hard to apologize, because in your world, anger was not spoken of.

My sweet, you are not out of control, nor is anger something you do not get to experience. Anger is for everyone and it carries an important message…listen to what it’s trying to tell you. Over the years, when it couldn’t get your attention, it moved to your body, settling in your stomach all jittery-like or pressing down on your chest like your puppy when he perches atop you in the morning. Anger desperately wants to be in relationship with you, but you just don’t recognize it. It’s never been modeled for you and it never felt safe.

Today when you feel it, I want you to sit with it. I want you to take a beat and listen. Be still if that’s what you need. Go for a walk if that’s what you need. Sprint on the treadmill if that’s what you need. But please don’t ignore it.

When anger turns to vitriol or violence, that is something entirely different. You will not go there. You just need to love and accept the part of you that is telling you that a need is going unmet or a trauma is trapped. It needs release.

Listen, My Love, and soothe your soul.

Drawing: 1.29.24 by LA