The Journey Inward

A handful of years ago, I had a bike accident while riding on a towpath beside the Delaware River. I ended up beneath a couple of bikes and bodies and we all slid a distance before coming to a stop. In addition to cuts, scrapes, swelling and shock, I had a good deal of gravel embedded in the skin of my hands and knees.  Feeling squeamish and afraid of the pain, I brushed off what was on the surface, soaked in the tub to get a bit more and then let the rest be. 

Over time, the skin grew back around and over, yielding scars but hiding the small stones.  These foreign objects didn’t belong to me, weren’t mine, yet became a part of me and lodged within me.  Every few months, I would notice a black speck on my hand or knee and marvel that a piece of gravel had worked its way to the surface.  I would remove it and cleanse the wound.  The skin was still scarred, but free of debris.

My emotional healing journey has mirrored this physical journey.  As a child, messages, fears and anxieties that weren’t mine lodged themselves under my skin. Criticism, judgment, core beliefs, undermining, conditional love. Not wanting to face the wounds, feel the feelings, or know the pain, I instead let them stay buried.  Triggers would activate me, consciously or unconsciously, and I would look at each one…face it, wonder about it, get curious.  I would cleanse these old wounds and although the scar stayed, the foreign objects were washed away.

Through my healing, I reclaim my innocence, my openness and my essence.