The Journey Inward

Acquaintances/possible early friendships are an interesting situationship. I’m working this through as I write, so if it’s not terribly profound or put forward with organization and clarity, I apologize. The contrast of being home with my people and back in my adopted home has me mulling this over quite a bit.

Whereas there is a history with friendships, an intimate knowing of one another, with no judgment or fear of abandonment, unwavering support, a desire for them to have everything and be their best with no feeling of jealousy or envy, and a safe place to bare your soul, an acquaintance is a completely different, and sometimes opposite, animal.

With acquaintances, there is no history. At least not yet. There is no intimate knowing of one another. This can be nice at times, truly. Interactions are light and funny and stay on the surface. There is the novelty, excitement and curiosity that comes with a new face and a new story, broadening your understanding of the world…and yourself.

Then there’s telling your story, and the fact that you have to because they don’t know anything that came before. You don’t have long standing friendships because you haven’t been standing there long. There is the desire at times to rewrite your narrative a bit, making it more sparkly, less bumpy. Fear of judgment and abandonment follow you across seas and onto new continents, you see. But then authenticity comes knocking and reminds you that you live free now, unshackled from the need to show up a certain way.

However, the audience does matter, and not every part of you is available to every person. What you tell of your inner self is in equal balance to the trustworthiness you sense in another person. There’s a patience that is required with acquaintances. A building of time, sharing, actions, reactions, and behaviors that ultimately shows you who will stay firmly in this role and who might move deeper. A quick connection is not always a lasting one, and so many times in my life, particularly in college, I would have “sharing hangovers” from oversharing…too much, too soon.

And then there’s the disappointment that comes when sometimes you are wrong. You thought you were in sync with someone. You thought you were seeing things the same way. You thought a true friendship might be blooming, but then there’s a breach of trust or a distancing or a trait you hadn’t seen initially that conflicts with your values. All a part of acquaintances.

Being in a new country, a new job, a new neighborhood, with new service providers all by myself means endless acquaintances. It means introducing myself over and over. It means proceeding with a bit of caution and guardedness. It can be exhausting for someone who loves her one on one, deep talks that fill her up and energize her. Small talk is fine for a few minutes, but heaps of it daily exhausts me, drains me. It’s then that I yearn for my friends and family.

Enter technology. When I lived in England at 20, there was very little technology. I phoned my parents once a week, but spoke live to no one else back home because it was sooo expensive. Instead, we wrote letters! With pen and paper. And we folded it, put it in an envelope, found a post office to have it stamped and sent overseas. It took 10-14 days for it to arrive. It took 1-5 days for that person to write back and find their post office. And another 10-14 days for the airmail to arrive. I was lonelier and more homesick then than I ever feel now.

I text with my friends through various platforms, we leave voice messages, we follow each other on Instagram, we talk on the phone through WhatsApp or Facetime Audio, we Zoom one on one or in small groups, we Facetime. Except for the 7 to 10 hour time difference depending who it is, our interactions are pretty live. I often wake to a slew of texts and they do, as well.

I’m lucky (if you call it luck??) that I love to spend time alone and I love solitary pursuits (like writing!). I keep myself entertained and have no problem going out and doing things by myself (I often prefer it!). I’m grateful that I’ve met such nice and interesting people and that I am learning so much about this country and continent that I’m immersed in. And I’m endlessly grateful for my friends and family, whose love reaches across the ocean and envelops me here.