The Journey Inward

Jess Janz wrote this about reclaiming her childhood essence: “I feel like I’ve spent my whole adult life re-remembering how to trust what I knew to trust. To follow what felt free and holy and wild. Everything I’m learning I knew then. Everything I’m looking for I had. Everything I want to be I was. Every way I show up now is for her.

This resonated like crazy! As a child, I was curious, observant, thoughtful, feeling and creative. I loved animals, domestic and wild. I loved being outside. Loved building forts, having an imaginary friend, daydreaming, singing out loud, waking early in the morning, playing paper, dolls, baby dolls, and board games. I loved going for walks and worm, hunting and riding my bike.

As the youngest of four with an age gap, I was left alone a lot, and enjoyed being alone – in my own world. I could entertain myself for hours.

My family held what I thought was a mirror to me and I began to absorb these reflections as truth, rather than fallible human behavior, like projection, stress, and fear.

I grew to think I was different in a weird way – emotional, bratty, selfish. Simultaneously too much and not enough.

I have spent the last decade reclaiming that contented child’s perspective. I have spent the last several years, listening deeply to my true nature and celebrating it, welcoming it, rather than denying or hiding it.

What a joyous practice!