The Journey Inward

I want to launch a rebellion,
     Not with protests or signs,
     Not with force or violence,
     Not with selfishness or carelessness.
No, I want to launch a rebellion
Of my own,
For me, by me, about me,
To save me,
From more decades of
     Rule following,
     People pleasing,
     Meeting expectations,
     Playing it safe,
Making everyone else comfortable,
     While I squirm inside,
     Feel my gut tighten,
     Feel the pressure bearing down on my chest,
     Feel the weight on my shoulders,
     The burden on my soul.
This rebellion is about breaking open
The parts of me I thought were
     Too quirky,
     Too sensitive,
     Too analytical,
     Too much
And so I hid them,
Fearing they would
     Disappoint,
     Disturb,
     Disrupt,
Prevent me from
     Blending in,
     Going with the flow,
     Playing the role,
But how?  How to rebel?
Is it braiding my greying hair into pigtails?
Or wearing my favorite overalls at 54?
Is it going to a movie by myself?
Or planning a day of all the things I love and not inviting anyone?
Is it speaking up and speaking out?
Is it this writing class with these women?
Is it surrendering all that I've always tried to control?
Is it trusting the Universe to deliver what I want and need?
My rebellion is unique,
Because it isn't a step by step guide
I've read online,
Or advice from others.
It defies judgment and criticism.
Is is mine. 
Deeply mine.