The Journey Inward

For the month of June, I am flipping through Clarity and Connection, by Yung Pueblo daily and randomly stopping at a page and reading. I am using the entry to delve into my thoughts and feelings, find what resonates, and see what answers it might hold for me. It is an exercise in building my Intuition, making space for creativity, and journeying inward so that I might know myself and others better. Today’s reading was on page 63.

"when you feel agitated because you
think someone you love is not growing
quickly enough, remember that you had
to go slowly before you could make real
progress.  managing your expectations and
knowing that people grow at their own speed
will save you from interrupting your peace."

As a teacher, I introduce new concepts with an anticipatory set, include a hands on component, allow students to use their schema to connect to the topic, and make the lesson authentic and meaningful.  What I can't do is make them learn, not if they're not ready.  I've seen this over and over again in my years in the classroom.  It's not my fault.  It's not their fault. There is no fault to be had other than the mysterious combination of the passage of time, accumulation of experiences and readiness of the soul to take on new knowledge in a profound and impactful way.

And so it is with people.  I have told many a cautionary or inspiring or helpful tale to my children, only to watch them do the exact opposite of what I had so skillfully crafted for their actions.  I have gotten overinvolved in friends' problems and family issues, only to find that after hours of discussion over weeks, they do what they want to do.  I have suggested podcasts, readings, classes, workbooks and a whole host of rituals to improve communication with others and have had what I thought were life altering, mind changing conversations, only to watch them continue their behaviors.

I have learned I need to let them do them.  And while they're doing that, I can do me.  I can invest all that time and energy and care and love into myself and my growth and my journey.  Let them learn their own lessons.  Let them experience their own failures.  Let them feel pain and disappointment.  Let them repeat mistakes.  Let them find their own material that resonates with them and speaks to the intricacies of their heart.  Let them be proud of their own changes and their own understanding and their own journey.  Let them take the credit for being responsive to their own needs.  

Not everyone starts the race at the same time or from the same point.  Not everyone runs at the same pace.  Not everyone chooses to go on foot.  Not everyone has the same motivation.  Not everyone has the same resources.  Not everyone comes from the same experiences.  Not everyone hears the same messages from their childhood.  Because life is not a race.  Not against others, not against self.  It is like a stream, sometimes meandering through thick woods; sometimes creating white water from the speed and distance covered; sometimes taking in great beauty; sometimes carving new paths; sometimes falling a great distance and crashing; sometimes spinning in circles; sometimes sitting stagnant, with no current; sometimes shallow and at other times dried up. Let others flow as they will. 

Be supportive, share, praise, be by their side as you keep your focus on you.  But never allow their pain to be an excuse for their bad behavior.  Never allow them to treat you poorly because at one time they were treated poorly.  Expect ownership. The trauma they experienced was not their fault, but their current behavior is their responsibility.