The Journey Inward

For the month of June, I am flipping through Clarity and Connection, by Yung Pueblo daily and randomly stopping at a page and reading. I am using the entry to delve into my thoughts and feelings, find what resonates, and see what answers it might hold for me. It is an exercise in building my Intuition, synthesizing information, making space for creativity, and journeying inward so that I might know myself and others better. Today’s reading was on page 134.

[needs] "are better met when they are clearly communicated and when they match up with what someone is willing to do for you out of their own desire to support you.  when partners make commitments to each other of their own volition, they create space for harmony to flow abundantly in the relationship."

Lots of thoughts here.  First, this assumes a person knows what they need.  I believe getting to know what we need is essential and if we pay attention in our relationships, our needs become apparent through our feelings, responses and patterns.  Own these.  There is no shame in having needs.  They do not make us needy.  They make us human and allow us to connect with others and them with us.

Communicating our needs is crucial to avoid resentment, hurt, and to feel empowered.  We cannot presume people are mind readers.  Too often we hold people to a contract they didn't sign and had no awareness of, as my friend likes to say!  When we speak our needs, we give others permission to do the same.

Different people in our lives serve us in different areas.  I know who to call when I need a pep talk and I know who to call when I need to be told hard truths.  They are rarely the same person.  Spreading our needs around so that no one person has to be our everything helps them and us.  It also ensures that the person is capable of meeting our needs.  My encouraging friend would find it nearly impossible to examine my faulty thinking with me!

I am a recovering people pleaser and I know firsthand that needs and people pleasing do not go well together.  PP's will listen to needs and give assurances that you have been heard, only to repeat their same old behaviors and make no changes, then resent you for telling them what to do and "criticizing" them.  PP's have NO needs (when of course they do), so when you don't read their minds and meet those needs, they resent you.  I know.  I've been on both sides of this.  In short, people pleasers please no one~not others, not themselves.

Finally, when our needs are not met in relationship because a person cannot meet them, is not willing to meet them, or is a people pleaser and is scared to talk about  needs, it's an opportunity to redefine the relationship.  It's time to think about a person's presence and role in your life and put realistic boundaries to it, if it is even maintained at all.  

Needs drive us as humans.  They are often based on our earliest experiences and we spend our lives trying to heal what has been hurt.  Starting from the inside out, healing our wounds by being present for ourselves, counting on ourselves, showing up for and nurturing ourselves, loving and trusting ourselves first, makes asking for our needs to be met by others, and meeting theirs, possible.