The Journey Inward

Dear Love, what would you have me know today?

My sweet one, you need to know, and I mean really know, that you have been the best mother you could be at every stage of your children’s lives. And that you continue to evolve as a mother every day. You are human and you made mistakes, just as your children did. You came from a dysfunctional home, and some of that dysfunction was spread to your children. These are the ways of the world.

What makes you an extraordinary mother is how intentional and thoughtful you have been. Whether your choices ultimately served your children, they were made with much thought and love. You were so hard on yourself and felt so much guilt as you strove be a different mother than the one you had. You worked so hard to love each child for who she was. You worked so hard at being a mother.

But my Sweet One, what you couldn’t do then and what I’m asking you to do now, is to settle comfortably into motherhood. You have done the work in the trenches of raising those little beings and putting them out into the world. You have given wings to three girls who appear to know themselves well, be comfortable in their own skin, and have found people and work that fulfills them.

What I want for you now is to show up in a different way. What I want for you now is to show up exactly as you are, without all of the thought and without all of the intention. I want you to show your girls who you are, the fabulous and the flaws. I want you to truly feel that you have built a relationship that is ready for this next step. In fact, it is what you all need.

Sweet one, this is going to feel very uncomfortable at first, as you know. I see that you’ve been dipping your toe more and more into authenticity in their presence. It doesn’t feel comfortable to you, as you shine everything up and make it better than it is. It’s not going to feel comfortable to them, because they’re not used to it, to seeing your varying emotions and moods.

Trust me, My Sweet, you still have an influence over your children, even though they are grown, and this is the greatest gift that you can give all of you. Mother less from your head and more from your heart. Stop focusing so much on NOT being someone else and focus more on being exactly who you ARE.

Photo: Cinnaminson, NJ. Fall 2003. Photographer unknown