The Journey Inward

When I was young, I believed at my core I was an inherently bad person. I felt that way for a whole host of reasons, including the information I took in from around me, trauma events, and the shame I internalized . 

I spent my life trying to “prove” to myself and others that I was good. I was a people pleaser, tried to achieve my best, kept busy and helped wherever needed. 

I believed at my core I was “bad,” but continued to find ways to be “good.” To me, it was that black and white. I didn’t apply that to others, mind you. They got lots of gray and shades of dimension that I did not extend to myself.

Listening to Laura McKeown speak the other day changed everything for me in just a few words. She explained how when we say we are good, it’s like seeing half the moon and when we say we are bad, it’s like seeing half the moon. But we are the whole moon. We are reflecting our feelings in that moment and choosing to identify as “good” or “bad,” when in reality, we are all things at once. We push into shadow that which we don’t want to see, but we are capable of everything. 

It seems much more reasonable to say that I am capable of love and harm, productivity and laziness, honesty and lies, patience and judgment and so many more seemingly competing traits. They all live within me and I just am. I am neither good, nor bad. I just am.