The Journey Inward

Someday...
your pain will become
the source of your strength.
Face it.
Brave it.
You will make it.
~Dodinski

What you resist, persists,
as the saying goes,
and the lessons we don't learn,
will keep repeating until we do. 

Are these sayings trite?
Untrue? Cliche?
I don't believe so,
and have often found comfort
in their reassuring messages of strength, resilience 
and the ability to change and overcome.

My pain 
has always been a key source
of my strength, growth, and momentum,
even a source of pride at times.
I credit my indomitable spirit 
with keeping me moving forward, onward.

But have I always faced my pain?
Felt it?
Sat with it?
Accepted it?
Mourned, grieved, and raged?
I have not.

I've often stood right up,
dusted myself off,
charged forward,
fixed the problem,
put a positive spin on the thing,
found the “reason,”
clamored for more information,
analyzed it,
constructed a narrative,
believed it was fate,
put on a smile. 

The real strength
comes in the early stages,
allowing the processing,
allowing the powerful feelings,
turning inward, getting quiet,
listening to my heart,
what I need,
reaching out
to trusted friends,
feeling their love and support.

The real strength
is not in the rapid rebound,
but in the slow burn,
where lessons are metabolized,
and wiring reconfigured. 
It's in the solitude, the silence,
the release and acceptance. 

The real strength 
is in the letting go
of what was,
and having faith in what will be.
I will always make it.
I always have. 

Each day this month, I am reading and writing about an entry from gentle reminders:  SIMPLE TRUTHS FOR A MEANINGFUL LIFE by Dodinsky.  This book was given to me after my divorce by a friend, with this inscription: "Let your soul sparkle."