The Journey Inward

"You get lost when you are always doing things in urgency.  Find a moment of stillness; give your heart a chance to tell you where you really need to be."  ~Dodinsky

Goodness, yes!  That message was meant for me!  I can be so busy...working, cleaning, organizing, exercising, talking on the phone, seeing friends, writing, reading, texting, growing, learning, traveling, planning, yardwork, you name it.  I like to feel productive, but also was groomed to be productive.  We are a culture of competitiveness, with people comparing workloads, schedules, hours of sleep, committees, volunteer activities.  

But for me, it's not just about productivity;  I used to move quickly through pain, worry, fear and anger.  I wanted to return to equilibrium as soon as possible and so I fixed, solved or resolved problems without much regard for how I felt about them.

Today, I embrace stillness.  Not the kind of stillness I utilized when I was younger, where I would ruminate, self recriminate, and replay scenes over and over - analysis paralysis.  This stillness is recognizing that something doesn't feel right in my body, not just in my head.  I acknowledge it, get curious about it, ask about it, feel it.  It's amazing how quickly emotions pass when I let them have their moment and release them.  They don't want to stick around either, but nor do they want to be ignored.  

At 56, I don't have much of a sense of urgency anymore.  I can take things slower, I can enjoy, I can linger and savor and rest.  It is delicious!

Each day this month, I am reading and writing about an entry from gentle reminders: SIMPLE TRUTHS FOR A MEANINGFUL LIFE by Dodinsky. This book was given to me after my divorce by a friend, with this inscription: “Let your soul sparkle.”

Photo: Reading with my daughter. Kingwood, NJ. 9.27.16. by LA