The Journey Inward

Another instagram post by yan.writings.abroad dated February 19, 2026 that resonated with me.

Things living abroad gives you that no one can take away:

• the way you see the world now. You have seen how different life can be. What is normal is different everywhere. You will never think as small as you used to. You cannot unsee what you have lived.
• the fact that you moved anyway. You did the scary bit. New city, new rules, new everything. You worked it out as you went. Even if you go home tomorrow, you will always know you can start from zero and still be okay.
• how much braver you are now. You learned to do hard things alone. Phone calls, forms, getting lost, showing up to things by yourself. You stopped waiting for confidence and just did it. That stays with you.
• the people you met along the way. Even if you never see them again, they are part of your story. Shared meals, late talks, random plans, inside jokes in a city that used to be strange. You got those memories for life.
• the version of you that you became abroad. More street smart. More calm in new places. More sure of what you want and what you do not want. Even if everything changes, you do not go back to who you were before.

Every sentiment here is true for me. Traveling certainly gives you all of the above, too, but being immersed in a place, living within its parameters, learning its norms, using its systems, adjusting the way you do things has a more long lasting impact than a week or two away, knowing you will return to your ways soon. When you live abroad, you accept, adjust, embrace and change. Or you are miserable and don’t last long. I’ve seen all of these since I’ve been here.

Too many internationals, especially Americans, are critical of daily life here in South Africa. They don’t like the slower pace, the prioritizing of face time over efficiency, the lack of dishwashers and dryers, the restriction of movement due to crime. They are critical and vocal in a condescending way that leaves locals feeling everything from ashamed or embarrassed to defensive and angry.

To wholly embrace living abroad, I have built my rituals and routines around the way of life here, pushing the envelope every now and then (everyone hates me hiking alone). I enjoy rinsing and reusing my few plates and utensils daily. I don’t even feel the need to put them away because I’ve chosen whimsical patterns that are like kitchen decor. I adore hanging my clothes outside in the sun; I’ve even adjusted to the crunchiness of my towels, seeing them as a dry brush. My cup is filled when I have conversations with the warm and friendly people in line, at a game, or at a cafe. I like tiny grocery stores with way fewer choices and I shop at several weekly to suit my fancies.

I am intentional in maintaining my relationships back home, having regular text exchanges, chat groups, Zoom calls, and instagram exhanges, as well as this blog. I think of my friends and family daily, sending out prayers and thoughts for their comfort and peace. I keep up with my gratitude group and try to leave voice messages whenever possible to keep the intimacy strong. I Facetime with my children and keep up on their events. It can be a challenge with the different time zones, but my organizational skills really come in handy here, using calendar reminders and sticky notes.

I’ve had to step outside my comfort zone and use and develop social skills not needed at home. Eunine was noting my outgoing nature when I told her about making a coffee date with a woman I met at a rugby game. I explained that she must understand that this is not necessarily my nature at home. I do enjoy interacting with strangers and exchanging pleasantries and asking questions wherever I go, but at home I have a built in social network. When I want to go somewhere or do something, I invite my friends. I have standing writing nights, coffee dates, and walks. I rarely go anywhere alone, unless its walking or hiking or gym. I don’t have that option here. I came alone. I have no one to rely on, no one to fall back on and no one to automatically come with me on my adventures. And I refuse not to have adventures and travel and experiences. And so, I began by doing everything alone. I still do a good amount alone because I love doing exactly what I want when I want. But I’ve joined groups and made acquaintances and risked rejection by asking people to come along. I’ve grown socially and emotionally and I don’t take as much personally.

The people I’ve met have shown me a different perspective, a different way to be in the world. They’ve opened my mind and also held a mirror to my Self. I’ve seen strengths and needs I didn’t know I had. I’ve discovered parts of me that still need healing and parts of me that no longer hold onto past pain as part of my identity. I’m growing at a faster rate than I did at home in my comfort zone. Living abroad inspires that in you if you will allow it.

So many people back home and here tell me I’m brave, but nothing about this new chapter has felt brave to me. I wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t tentative, so there was no fear that I had to overcome, thus demonstrating my courage. Instead, I feel I was bold. I was well aware that my life would change dramatically. I retired, I gave my house to others, I left my dogs with my daughter and son-in-law, I left all that I knew so well. I chose an experience for myself. Having had a lifelong career, raised and launched three contributing members of society, and sacrificed to be a good daughter, wife and mother, it is my time. I’m well aware of this gift of time and know that it probably won’t be the way I live out the rest of my life. If grandchildren come, I can’t be this far away. But I also know I will never be the same.

To live abroad well is to live with an open mind and an open heart. There is a freedom to this way of life, especially as it lacks obligations and demands on my time. But it also asks me to be honest with myself in ways that “home” does not. For better or for worse, a person living abroad simply cannot remain unchanged.

I take the people, experiences, landscape, and lessons with me and they constitute my character, personality, perspective and opinions. They build a new me and help me rise to the next level of my development. I am so grateful to be living my lifelong aspiration. With no sarcasm, I can say I’m living my dream.