The Journey Inward

This morning, I met my niece for coffee on Cass Street. When we went to sunset at Torrey Pines last night, we spoke about how very many people you meet from the state of New Jersey. Today as we were in conversation with the barista, she asked me where I was from. When I told her New Jersey, a customer sitting nearby said that she was from my home state, as well. It truly is such a small world. The barista was from New Orleans and didn’t have any stigma knowledge of NJ, so we were filling her in. We all had a good laugh.

From there, I walked 2 miles to Mission Bay and picked up my rental kayak. For $17 including tax, I had a glorious hour out on the bay. Here are some things I noted.

There was a bird on a post in the middle of the bay. I didn’t take out my camera for fear of dropping it or scaring him, but he was quite striking. I drifted slowly and gently toward him and I could tell he sensed me there, but he also did not seem to want to leave his perch. I have to think it was a glorious place to stand with 360° views, but perhaps he was also resting from a long flight. He got a little jittery the closer I got, but still he stayed. He seemed to push himself out of his comfort zone and right to the edge of his panic zone before launching and taking flight. It made me think about the many benefits of moving out of my comfort zone. He was a reminder of the bravery and courage that it takes.

Next were the jumping fish. Every so often I would spy a small, silver fish hurling itself out of the water and into the air before splashing back down a foot or so ahead. I loved seeing them and sometimes a fish would do two or three jumps in succession. I had no idea what made them do this, but I liked the whimsical notion that they were being playful and jumping with joy. I asked AI when I got home and apparently this type of fish that lives in Mission Bay and jumps about is the mullet. It has a “specialized pharyngeal organ that allows them to breathe atmospheric air. They leap into the air to trap a pocket of oxygen, which helps them survive in shallow, warm, or low-oxygen waters.” Hmm. I like my explanation better, but I do appreciate this adaptation for survival that they posess.

An amusing thing that happened was that a man anchored on his rather large boat asked for directions as I paddled in his vicinity! I will tell you that that was a first for me! He was getting into a little motor boat and heading to shore. I saw him later back on his boat and asked him if he had found what he was looking for, silently humming U2 in my head. He said he had been looking for the restaurant, Olive, but it was too busy when he got there so he came back and had snacks on the boat.

I spoke to my friend on her birthday quickly while I was in the water and I asked her what she wanted for herself for this year. She said she wants to feel settled internally and externally. I thought that was such a great word. The way forward almost always involves uncertainty and unexpected detours, but being able to feel peace regardless leads to such regulation. And being able to set boundaries ensures that you are not tied to an outcome. I liked thinking about that for a few more minutes after we hung up.

There was a summer camp for young children at the bay. On one side there were sailing lessons and on the side by me there were swimming lessons. I was so impressed with how far out and for how long the kids swam. It made me think about my complicated relationship with water. I would say I have a healthy fear of it, but I actually think it’s a bit irrational, so it probably goes beyond a healthy fear. But it does not keep me away!

I also thought a lot about my brother. He’d come out here to visit his daughter a few years back and when he discovered the bay, he paddled every single day. On his last day, the guy gave him a free day because he had been such a good customer all week! I thought about the similarities and differences between my brother and me and about what motivates him, as well as his strong principles. I think it’s really powerful to focus on one person and their attributes and then kind of let your mind wander around and see what comes up. He is flying home from Lebanon in a few days and I’m looking forward to seeing him.

All in all, it was a good morning out on the water!