New Tattoo

I got my first tattoo recently. I told my children I would get one at 75 because it will take me that many decades to decide what to get! If I was to get one, it needed to be meaningful in an enduring way. Not a fad or a present interest, but something that could span my past, present, and future. No small feat!!

My oldest has many tattoos and told me that it could just be art that I enjoy. Many people told me that once I got one, I would be hooked. I was not convinced of either.

When I got to South Africa, I felt that this would be the place that I would get a tattoo. That this is the time in my life, both in years and in my current experience, where I was ready to choose that symbol. At first, I focused on the baobab tree, the tree of life, as it represents community, life, longevity, positivity, resilience, and roots.

The next symbol that resonated with me was the national flower, the Protea. It represents strength and resilience, change and transformation, courage and daring, and diversity. I even tried to combine the tree and flower. As much as I liked the meaning of both, I didn’t love any of the designs.

And believe me, there were so many designs! These pictures above are all from a photo album on my phone of inspiration pieces.

I finally had to admit that maybe I just wasn’t a tattoo person. The idea of something permanently etched on me just seemed forced.

And then I was talking to my friend John, who had come to visit me in South Africa. Back home, the concept of ubuntu had stayed with him. We discussed it often and he thought to get that as a new tattoo. He shared his symbols and we went back-and-forth. Suddenly, I knew with absolute certainty that this is what I would get.

I met a South African friend of mine for dinner one night. She has many tattoos, and I asked her who does her work. Currently, she is having an old tattoo transformed into something new. The young woman who is doing it rents space from her. It felt absolutely perfect and I told Julia that I was thinking of a tattoo and showed her my idea. She said, “Let’s get you an appointment when you come down Saturday for Ladies Night!” I agreed with just a brief moment of hesitation.

She texted the artist, but there were no appointments. She asked me if I could do it anytime during the week, which was my last week before leaving for the States. Tuesday was my only open evening. As luck would have it, Velvet was available and the appointment was booked.

Now the question was where to place the tattoo. With eyeliner, I sketched it on my shoulder and under my clavicle. When it would fade, I would draw it back. I went into the appointment undecided.

I drove to Julia’s house after work on the designated day and she drove me to the studio. With the three of us in the room, the artist showed me the mock up she had made from what Julia had sent her. She positioned it on my shoulder and under my clavicle in the different sizes she had printed out.

Julia had loved my design from the start and said it reminded her of the female Trinity. She liked it under my clavicle on the left side, just above my heart. But as we all looked at the design, we knew that it was meant for my shoulder.

The tattooing went quickly and I felt no pain at all. At one point, I made a face and Julia asked if I was hurting. I said it tickled and I was scared I would move! The artist took a break after 15 minutes or so, and asked if I was doing okay. I said as long as she had been using the needle, then I was doing great, but if that was just her drawing it on, and she hadn’t started penetrating my skin, then maybe not! She said she was done, but was just going back to do some shading.

I am thrilled with my tattoo and everything that it means to me, and yes, I am already thinking about what my next one will be!

So, onto the meaning. Ubuntu is a Xhosa and Zulu word that is often translated to mean “I am because we are” or “A person is a person through other people”. Both Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu popularized the term as apartheid came to an end and they looked toward peace and forgiveness in South Africa.

People I encounter in South Africa often speak of this concept and John and I had had a lengthy conversation with our uber driver who explained its importance in how she lives her life. It is also prominently featured around my school.

To me, ubuntu is about a deep connectedness. Connection to self, connection to others, and connection to the Earth. In the book, Everyday Ubuntu, the author writes, “It is not only our actions we are called to keep track of, but our very being in the world. How we live, talk and walk in the world is as much a statement of our character as our actions. One with ubuntu is careful to walk in the world as one who recognizes the infinite worth of everyone with whom he or she comes into contact. So it is not simply a way of behaving, it is indeed a way of being!”

In relationship, it asks that people demonstrate kindness, compassion, empathy, and collective well-being. Within ourselves, ubuntu asks us to display self-awareness, personal growth, accountability and understanding one’s own role and character within the broader community. In respect to the environment, it focuses on our shared responsibility to protect and sustain the planet.

Ubuntu tells us that our identity, humanity, growth and accomplishments are all linked to others and our community. No one is self made, but rather impacted by others.

The attachment researcher John Bowlby believes that connection is a basic human need from infancy all throughout adulthood and that without it, humans fail to thrive.

Ubuntu is about connection, but I think it also incorporates the other characteristics I was looking at: resilience, courage, positivity, life, longevity, change, transformation, diversity, and roots. Mission accomplished! Or should I say, message accomplished!!