Category: Uncategorized
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Hope’s Triumph
Fear Jelly legs, Sweaty palms, Jittery belly, Galloping heart, Shallow breaths, Rising panic. Fear whispers of my weakness, He is mindful of mistakes, He advises against action, He cautions against confidence, He depletes desire, He paralyzes positivity. But he has an enemy, One who stands up to his sneaky charade, She is Hope. Hope Resting…
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Saying Yes
I will say yes… ~to myself ~to self care ~to my needs ~to living fully ~to time alone ~when I want to ~when I am safe ~to expand myself ~to healthy choices ~to my dreams and desires ~to new experiences and adventures ~when Fear of Failure whispers, “Say no!” ~to volunteering my time and talent…
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Saying No
I will say NO… ~even when it’s hard ~when I’m tired or rundown ~when it clashes with my values ~when I’m not being considered ~when it’s not convenient for me ~when my intuition is guided me ~when I feel like I “should” say yes ~when I need to be somewhere else ~when I don’t want…
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So Much Clapping
It had been a long, hot summer with little to no rain. I watered my gardens daily and got a break from mowing since the grass barely grew. It was the middle of August and this particular day was a scorcher. Out running errands, I decided to stop and see my mom at her assisted…
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Message from My Necklace
On my 50th birthday, my best friend and college roommate gave me a simple pearl necklace. I’ve only taken it off 3 or 4 times in the almost 4 years I’ve had it. It was such a special gift to me and in a recent writing class, I asked the group to write for 1…
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EMBODIMENT
Enlightened understanding that My body’s experiences have been negative and positive Because of traumas, comments, Observations by others, and social and cultural expectations that Don’t allow for accurate, realistic, or gentle self images. I now choose to reclaim my body and cement My Self, release bottled emotions Express myself fully, cast off the expectations of…
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Pain Without Suffering?
The Pain: My mom, suffering with dementia and in memory care, told me excitedly when I visited, “I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.” I am her fourth. The Pain: “The goal of hospice care is to keep her comfortable and let her live out her final days in peace,” the nurse reassured…
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Validation
Validation The Siren Song Convincing, Compelling, Consuming Persistent in its Promise Of Confidence, Value, Worth Seek it, Work it, Nurse it Manipulate, Please, Control Wear the Mask of False Self To Gain Approval, Acknowledgement, Accolades Feel the Power of the People Looking upon You with Admiration and Awe. But the Power is Not Yours It…
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The “Write” Tool
Sometimes a barrier to writing is as simple as not having the right tools. I like to play by experimenting with different implements. Sometimes I like the feel of a scratchy pencil across the page. Recently I’ve discovered the marvel of erasable pens. Color helps me organize and emphasize. Colored, erasable pens are a game…
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Word of the Year!
Each year I choose a word to carry me through, inspire me, challenge me, comfort me and always continue to help me grow. I started in 2018 with Alignment, which despite combing through pages of word suggestions, was the original one I thought of! I wrote poems about it, took pictures that represented it, and…
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A New Kind of New Year’s Eve
I’ve never been a huge fan of New Year’s Eve. I’ve often felt pressure to be doing something exciting – going out, being with people, and drinking. Almost ever year, I have instead spent it quietly at home or a nearby friend’s house and it’s involved ordering out, a movie, and games. And I’ve loved…
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Our Hearts
While touring the Phoenix Desert Botanical Gardens yesterday, I saw this beautiful heart-shaped cactus. It made me think of the various states we might find our heart in, represented by the prickly spines. Are we trying to guard our heart, keep others out or protect ourselves? Are we emotionally unavailable, shut down, or sabotaging ourselves?…
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The Stockings Were Hung…
Stockings Made with love Upon each grandchild’s arrival Regardless of the month. She would run to the fabric store And comb through the patterns To find just the right scene for the new baby. Felt cut with accuracy And layered just so Then stitched with steady hands And held in place by the tiny sequins…
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An Ornamental Christmas
One of my favorite Christmas traditions is the annual ornament giving. Each year I choose an ornament for each of my daughters that reflects something special they did, accomplished, enjoyed, had a passion for or a place they traveled to. I started this when my first was in utero and have carried it on every…
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The Cardinal
“Look at the cardinal!” my mother would exclaim,As she had a hundred times before,And always with the same awe and delight,Washing dishes at the kitchen picture window.Her favorite bird, she wore it on sweaters, scarves and pins,A bright pop of color on a cold winter day,A sign of joy for her many blessings,And hope for…
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The Bank
Today I took a challenge to write about a bank, any kind of bank, whether financial institution, ground near a river, noun, verb, and so on. Here is my take… A deposit of kindness, Of thoughtfulness and generosity, Compassion and empathy, Listening and witnessing, Love and gentleness. A withdrawal of support, Of being heard and…
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Piano Lessons
This morning, She makes music, Fingers gliding across keys, Muscle memory guiding them along. Recalling the lessons from decades earlier, Hand position, fingering, forte, pianissimo, andante, Struggling still to balance mechanics with the beauty of song. But what are the new lessons here, The ones that are overshadowing the actual act? What does the piano…
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Affirmations and Empowerment
I start my day, nearly every day, by reading LETTING GO, DAILY MEDITATIONS, by Melody Beattie. There is rarely a morning that her message does not resonate with me; help me look deeper within, uncover truths wanting to be told (or wishing they could stay hidden), set an intention for the day, or grow my…
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Sometimes
Sometimes puppies scamper about, stumbling and bumbling, feet and brains not quite connected, so as to zig zag about, with no real sense of direction or purpose. Sometimes puppies miss their heap of siblings, and look to their new humans, for a snuggle and a head tuck, warmth and security in this new place called…
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Valuing Our Needs
Step 1: Know What You Want and Need. I take time to listen to the yearnings of my heart, my passions and desires, my pain and sorrow, my preferences and interests. I sit with feelings, spend time alone, go out in nature. I identify what needs come from within. Step 2: Honor What You Want…
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Tea Ritual
Measuring the mood, Where I’ve been so far and where I’m going, The tea is chosen. Mindful, in the moment. The vessel is next, A mug that has the perfect shape and weight, My college, their college, this trip, that gift? Mindful, in the moment. The water, filtered, cascades into kettle, Through loose leaves, Embodying…
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A Map of My Hand
My life story can be told using a map of my hand. I start with the obvious…the scars. There are the stitches I got when I was 8, on the inside of my middle finger and at my wrist. My fingers were bent as a child, and surgery straightened them, but left its mark. Years…
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Pain
I am grateful to be sitting in my struggle this morning. After days of family and children, The house is quiet and I am alone. I’ve decorated and played with the new pup, But loneliness, loss and grief are settling over me. I’m sitting with this, acknowledging it, Recognizing where I feel it in my…
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A Heavy Heart
My heart is heavy today, My mind reeling, My body agitated. The world is full Of hatred, Of violence, Of discord, Of division, Of absolutes, Of strong opinions That hold no compassion, Or understanding, Or love, Or empathy, Or curiosity, Or openness, Or doubt That what one believes May not be right, May not be…
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Manifesting Wants and Needs
We manifest what we want and need in life by preparing our minds, bodies and hearts to receive those things. We get clear on exactly what changes we want and what possessions or circumstances we need. We write down our desires and speak them aloud. We meet our eyes in the mirror and affirm what…
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The Pursuit
We’re all entitled to the pursuit of happiness. It’s right in the Constitution! But what if the pursuit of happiness is what robs us of happiness? What if the pursuit of anything blinds us from what is right in front of us, that which we already have? This was the question posed by Glennon Doyle…
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Control
This is what I know today about control and my occasional desire to have it: It’s an illusion. I’m not that powerful. I don’t have it over others or their actions or their choices. People are going to do what they’re going to do. I am not responsible for anyone but me. I can’t will,…
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Getting Comfortable With Anger
For me, anger and guilt have always wound around each other like a vine to a tree. Being raised in a household where we were not allowed to express anger (which was thus interpreted by me as we were not supposed to feel anger), it’s always been an emotion I’ve tamped down, felt shame about…
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Mindfulness
Today I was mindful. I slowed down, I was observant, Instead of operating on autopilot. I put on lipstick And realized I hadn’t done this in 2.5 years! (I wiped it off because it felt funny on my face!) I filled my vitamin compartments, Taking each jar from my cabinet One at a time. But…
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We Can, We Will, We Do
There are things we think we will never accomplish. Loss we think we will never get over. Pain we think we will never survive. Relationships we think we will never replace. Loneliness we think we will never endure. Guilt we think we will never get past. Shame we think we will never shirk. But we…
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Girl On Fire
My girl. Stronger than I was at her age. Smarter than I was at her age. More confident, more self assured, more self aware, more comfortable in her own skin. She chooses her friends wisely. She shows up authentically. She listens to her body. She pushes herself on the field and in the weight room.…
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Letter to My Loving Parent
Dear Loving Parent, Be with me as I struggle, Embolden me when I feel fear, Embrace me when I feel unlovable, Reassure me when I feel I’m not enough, Stay by my side when I feel I don’t belong, Show me warmth when I feel anxious, Show me grace when I’m indecisive or make the…
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Lessons from an 8 year old
The little girl sat down across the table from me for her writing conference. “We have something in common,” she said, smiling at me. I couldn’t imagine what she might be thinking. Her dark hair and complexion were in direct contrast to my fair. Her 8 years to my 52. “We both have curly hair!”…
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Do you love me unconditionally?
Do I love you unconditionally? Well, that’s conditional Conditional Depends on conditions How I feel What I’m doing How your words strike me If your actions trouble me If your behaviors trigger my insecurity If my fear is in the driver’s seat If you’re struggling If I’m struggling If you threaten my self esteem If…
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THRIVE
Trust in the wandering of your Heart and mind and inhale the scent of promise. Realize what you want and need. Imagine holding space for yourself to Validate the truth deep within. Excavate your true nature and embrace who you are. Photo: LA, 1.26.18
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The Crawdad
The crawdad has never felt this way before. Her skin is dry and tight, brittle, and she strains against it. It’s as if she’s coming undone, falling apart. Feelings of restlessness, unease, and discomfort descend upon her. Anxiousness and fear join forces and shroud her in uncertainty. Soon her exoskeleton begins to crack and fall…
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The In Between
This is a place I’ve avoided most of my life! I like to be there. I set my sites on a goal or next step and move swiftly toward it. No lollygagging about for me! But lately I’ve been wondering what it would be like to spend more time in this “in between” place. What…
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Homeostasis
Recently I was working with a high school student on his homework assignment. It was all about homeostasis. We had an interesting conversation about it, he defined it in his own words and conceptualized his project. But I was left pondering the word all night. Homeostasis: the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent…
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Abandonment
Betrayal- Again- She fears the abandonment she’s run from her whole life. ABANDONMENT… Being left, Being alone, Being rejected. But she wasn’t abandoned, She cannot be abandoned. It is impossible Because she herself is right here She is caring for herself, Depending on herself. She is her own safe place. And so she rises, She…
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The Power of Silence
At first there is no silence. There are the thoughts, Vicious in their whisperings, Violent in their clutch, Volatile in their effect, Relentless, merciless. Then there are the feelings… Regret, shame, anger, indignation, Self recrimination, abandonment. Where was the intuition? The self trust? There! Do you see it? It is there. It was always there.…
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Waiting to Exhale
Holding my breath. That’s what it’s felt like these three long weeks since my mom passed. We’d waited to hold the memorial service to coincide with her family’s scheduled visit. It made perfect sense. It would give us plenty of time to prepare. It was a sound choice. Did I recognize I was holding my…
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You’re Not Asking Too Much
The other day I read this quote: “You’re not asking too much, you’re just asking the wrong person” and had an epiphany. I have always known at my core that I am simultaneously not enough and too much. The “too much” comes from being the youngest by far in a family of intellectuals, never feeling…
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Managing Expectations
September kicked off with my supervisor challenging our department to identify a word that would set the tone for our school year. Perhaps it would be a word that would inspire us, or maybe push us outside our comfort zones. The word might sum up our instructional goal for the year or consider the social…
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Vulnerability
Vulnerability is Unlearning the habit of presenting a False Self, Learning instead to accept the True Self~quirks, defects and all. Not oversharing our narrative, but choosing those who have Earned our trust to bear witness. Realizing that relationships grow stronger and closer when we show up as we are And give others permission to do…
The Journey Inward 